2018 - A Retrospective of the #QuestForPositivity #LightTheWorld

Wow.

The last time I opened up this thing to write anything was in March of this year. Lots of things happened since then, and at this point, I may need to change the name of the blog due to the last General Conference.

...

I don't really know where to begin. This year started off so amazing and yet as I'm here at the end, I feel... kind of numb.

My life for those of you who know me has been somewhat of a roller coaster filled with highs and lows. And while I'd have to say that this year may have been the lowest dip in the roller coaster (hopefully forever), I'd have to say that the whole #QuestForPositivity-thing has still been a factor.

I won't sugar coat anything in this post. Those who know me or are reading this know that I went through a crippling divorce this year and also that I went through some seriously dark moments of my life where I would find myself on a Porter park bench at 2 in the morning crying my heart out and asking "Is there any other way to go through this?!" To the point that I was questioning my very existence and the meaning of my own life. Today (December 20), was to be the one year anniversary I married my ex-wife.

I've been studying in the Book of Mormon recently and one of the things I read about a week ago (Dec. 14) was that Nephi had to go from seeing the destruction of his people to having a conversation with the two people whose descendants would cause that same destruction. In this little section in 1st Nephi 15, Nephi gets a little frustrated. He shows his human side a little I believe by how he calls out his brethren for not seeking to understand their father's dream like he had to do. But then he uses it as a teaching moment, and I think this one little section may be the one section of the Book of Mormon where he and the brothers who will and already have sought to kill him, have a nice lesson together. But before he does this, Nephi says (v. 6), "And it came to pass that after I had received strength I spake unto my brethren..."

It made me reflect on my own life. Yes, it's probably been the worst year of my life. I've made a ton of mistakes and bad decisions which has led to many people I love getting hurt emotionally. My heart has been torn up, galvanized, put back together again slowly, and then shredded, but honestly... I wouldn't have it any other way.

Just how Nephi used his devastating experience as a teaching moment, I'd like to do the same if you don't mind. So, after receiving some "strength," here are my thoughts.

...

The Quest For Positivity isn't just something where you have a great day every day. It's something to use when you are having a really really crappy day too. The thing I've learned most this year is that often times when things are the hardest is when you need to see the positives the most in life. I have seen people deal with almost the exact same challenges I've faced completely differently, where they have become bitter people who will only see things negatively or from one point of view. There is no change, no growth, no progression. It's depressing because when you look at it in the long run, those who often are able to move on in life are those who do not dwell on their mistakes or past transgressions, they are those who seek to uplift others and teach them how to grow themselves.

One of the most touching things I've received this December for Christmas was a Christmas card from the guy I've referenced every time I've talked about the Quest For Positivity. Justin Scarred has become a bit of my idol when it comes to learning about Disney, theme parks, and other random places and facts. He actually was going through custody battles and a lot of stress, and some people came up with an idea for him to autograph Christmas cards for $10 so that he and his family could have a good Christmas after struggling with all the court charges. I wrote him a small letter saying I couldn't afford to pay that due to a lot of other finances and issues I was going through at the time, but thanked him for his inspiration through my own divorce. What surprised me was that Justin docked the price for me so that if I just paid for shipping ($1) I could have my own Christmas card addressed personally to me. I got it in the mail and it was by far a tender mercy.

What Justin and so many of you have taught me this year is that by lifting others and being more empathetic as a person, we can really seek to understand other individuals on a deeper, and stronger level. My life isn't going the way I thought it would, but in reality, whose is? I just plan on being my best self and persevering through as many trials as I can. If I stumble, I know I can get back up.

I encourage all of you who are battling depression, anxiety, or any other issue around this time of year to look up towards the One who freely offers peace. He truly offers it to all who are struggling like you and especially like me. And most importantly He knows perfectly what each individual is struggling because He took that upon Himself too, and not just our sins. He is the reason for the season.